Hurts Like Hell

The flight home from New York this morning post-election is grey and quiet. I swear, it’s not my imagination, but no woman I’ve encountered is smiling. Our faces are flat, expressionless, guarded—-traumatized.

When we cautiously acknowledge one another, seeking those who understand, our eyes become glassy, then revert to caged, protective glances.

I can’t help myself and speak out loud to a 30-something African American woman, “I hope coffee wakes me up after a tormented, sleepless night.” “Same,” she says, as we look around to make sure we’re “safe” waiting in line at JFK’s Terminal 5 Starbucks, before launching a conversation about last night’s travesty.

“I’m so proud of Kamala,” I say. Her face studies mine. “Yes, we’re going to look back and say, ‘We should have done this or that,’ but look what she did in such a short time. She was—is—amazing!” 

She agreed. “Maybe there’s something bigger going on, something beyond our control.”

“Maybe,” I consider.

“Maybe the bad thing has to happen,” she continues.

Since I’d just spent a week with little tots, I said, “You mean like the little kid you warn not to climb on the shelves, but does so anyway, then falls and gets hurt, does it again, gets really hurt, then learns for himself that climbing an unstable structure is unsafe?” 

“Yes,” she said, before leaning over and giving me a long and sincere hug, “kind of like that.” 

“God is with us,” she assured. 

“I sure hope so.”

I suspect that half of the country needs a hug today. Not because we lost. But because half of our brothers and sisters failed to listen to the warnings. Our friends, neighbors, family members closed their ears and hearts to the hatred, fear mongering and allowed themselves to be deceived.

Today feels like a betrayal, like a slap in the face, like an episode from “A Handmaid’s Tale.” Here we are, women, being disrespected again, being told how to live, how being a feminist is the ruination of America, how powerful women are a threat, how strong Black women have no business at the top.

That sprayed-on orange tan man told American women that WE were stupid, shitty, fake, hookers, in need of protection, unworthy and incapable of making our own decisions about our health, our lives, our future. 

That’s what hurts the most. More than half of the people we sit next to on the train, shop alongside with at the grocery store, order take-out from, raise our children and grandchildren with, agreed with him.

Women got punched in the gut.

But we’re tough, unfortunately, we’re used to it. Just know, it’s not going to stop us. Tuesday’s election results will make us stronger. 

But today, and probably tomorrow and the next day, it’s gonna hurt like hell. 

We’ll wallow, feel like crap, have a second and maybe third drink with our tribe. We’ll cry, feel the feelings, the disappointment, get angry, and maybe repeat the cycle until we get up, brush off, and get back to The Work. 

Clearly, something isn’t clicking.

The values, character, honesty, respect—integrity—-instilled in many of us have gone missing. Martin Luther King, Jr. Barack Obama. Michelle. Hillary. Oprah. The smart, strong, articulate, hard-working, intelligent examples of The Best in America couldn’t compete with the propaganda of MAGA. 

We’re bruised, sad. But rest assured, we will NOT be silenced. We will rise. We WILL be better. 

Just not today.