The Last Day

To say I’m in mourning isn’t exactly accurate. I’m Grateful with a capital G, but also stunned that so much time passed so quickly. Almost two months. Gone. Just like that. Snap! A trip I imagined for years and years and years. My dream of taking off in a camper van and vanishing. Making a right turn if it made sense. Going left if it meant experiencing something new or familiar. Chasing the Sun. Getting out of the Sun. Then returning to the place I started, the place that means everything to me, Cambria. Visiting with my high school buddy for an early dinner at Las Cambritas. How appropriate! Being quiet and still in my camp spot mid-week camping is da bomb. Eating healthy foods, drinking local wines, staging my crib with pumpkins and Native American print fabric. A Trader Joe’s bouquet of yellow-rust mums and my orange and white strand of solar lights. 

Sigh. 

My portable Weber grill patiently waits for the last Outdoor Feast of the Season. The gentle ocean breeze feathers my ruddy cheeks as the grey squirrel stretches her belly in the sun-warmed charcoal-laced dirt. 

Oh my God how I love my Life, roaming, settling, meeting new people, being outdoors in all kinds of weather, having no responsibilities, other than to myself. Being comfortable in silence with minimal distractions. My writing. My paints. My books. My wonderful organic foods I love cooking for myself. Veggie stir-fry’s, Cereal for dinner. Fresh fried eggs with mushrooms and pepper. Tonight, grilled salmon from Giovanni’s in Morro Bay with Japanese sweet potatoes and a half a bag of broccoli. No complaints. No alternative food considerations. If I want a glass of rose at 3:45, I can have one. If I want to wake up at 6 a.m., make a cup of New Mexico coffee and finish my book or the documentary I started last night, I can do so. I can keep the windows open and run the heater, fall back to sleep and doze until 10, take a walk along the beach, a second hike along the cliffs, come back and paint, read, write, or just think. 

I recommend this lifestyle to everyone, especially women. Go off, have an adventure, and don’t come back until you’re ready. 

I’m not ready, if I’m honest. But I have a medical appointment I have been putting off since September and must attend to it Monday, otherwise, I’d still be on the road. There’s so much to see. So much to discover. And I’m not just talking about cultural and historic points of interest. Really, this journey has been an internal coddiwomple with the outside world being a vehicle to bring the focus back on myself. 

My oldest daughter recently called me a narcissist. Now this wouldn’t be the label I’d assign myself. But perhaps it’s true if loving and accepting myself for who I am—warts and all—for the first time in my Entire Life, then I’ll agree, I’m a narc and I’ll wear the emoji proudly. 

This self-love revelation is a generational shift. My mother did not have the luxury of caring for herself. She lived in a time that self-care consisted of hiding her cigarette addition. I wish, how I wish, I had seen her put herself first, instead of her kids and husband. I wish I had watched her stand up for herself instead of allowing circumstances to dictate her life. I wish I had witnessed her evolution from the 1950s to the 2000s. Unfortunately, she left the world too early. 

So now it is up to me, for Me. 

I need to say No when I need to say No and Yes when I need to say Yes. I need to love myself enough that I’m OK with people not liking or “getting” me. 

I’m emboldened to be myself. Because that’s all God, my Source and Savior, has ever asked of me. 

I’m not going to get all religious. But my Faith, my relationship with God that I have been aware of and could articulate since I was in the Third Grade, is my rock. Going forward, when shit happens, I’m calling God. 

This adventure has been an adventure, one I can’t wait to continue next Spring. Not sure how it will manifest, or the date, but amazing things are on the horizon. I can just feel it. It’s like I’m on a horse that’s about to go full throttle along the shore. 

While it would be awesome to have my hair flowing and my skin taunt against the salty sea, it’s happening now, as Fall turns into Winter. Not too late. Just about right, I’d say.

On the last day of my epic Sojourn 2023, I conclude with a big hug and Thank You for indulging me with my joy, my ups and down and little girl wonder as I saddled up and traveled north and east and south and west in my quest to start where I began. 

Do it! That’s how I want to end these travel blogs. Two months. Two years. Two days. It all goes by so quickly. My campsite neighbor, Kristine V., said to me, “On your deathbed, what would your regret not doing?”

I know my answer. Do you?